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TG Newsletter: TOT HIE' RALLY (2023)

Tot Hie' Rally

(27 - 29 October 2023)

Time again for the Tot Hie’ Rally!


The rally that is NOT a rally.  It is NOT open to the public.  Do NOT think you can bribe us to get an invite to this exclusive event.


We drink Jack Daniels, and Jose Cuervo Gold…

Once a year we invite a passel of people to join us for a weekend of laughter, silliness, camaraderie, adventure riding and drinking.  It’s the people we know, the people we love, the people we will go to a deep ditch of sand with.


There’s only about 20 of those people, so… the sand ain’t all that deep.


The Tot Hie’ normally involves drinking with a slight intermittence of soft riding.  We turned it up a notch this year… the drinking AND the riding.

Juan arrived really early, and in between setting up and talking kak with him we all heard a bike revving to limits, and then going dead.  Just for it to take 5 minutes before it revved again for a few minutes and stopping again.


Juan giggled and said that someone is taking quite a few smoke breaks riding up to the farm.


This kept going for a good 30 minutes before we realized… VOK – it’s Charley Cooper sukkeling up the ruff gravel track with his Bonneville.  We ran out to go assist (as he was mere meters away from the gate).  Having had all that time sweating with no replenishment of brown beer, it seemed like Charley was wilting away.  He looked smaller than we’ve ever seen him before, but a shadow of the legend.


We helped him off the bike, all shaky and dazed.  Skinny took the bike up the rocky road for the last few meters.  It is a miracle that Charley made it that far, as that Bonny has as much suspension as the Flintstone’s car’s left back wheel!

It took a whole case of nip to revive Charley, but soon-soon he was back to telling tall tales.  Boy, would we have been in poefies if we made a legend die!

His reply, soon as the colour had returned to his cheeks were;


“The nice thing about a sand road is that when it runs out, it turns into tar.”

As the rest of the people dripped in, our welcoming committee, consisting of one super large boisterous Boerboel, pulled up a chair for each and every pair of legs he encountered.  He kept forgetting the chairs though…

The beautiful Mooinooi sun said her farewells while we waited for the lady of the food.  Marlet from The Real Bosveld Pub and Grill ensured that everybody had full tummies and flooded livers for the weekend.  She was however adamant to join us on our bike ride the next day, so she was a bit late on the Friday night because she had to go fetch a 2-wheeler at home.  We’ve all heard about her biking days, but none of us have ever seen her ride.

It was getting pitch dark, the road was getting ripping rocky, and the tigers were beginning to crawl out of their dens.  Where was our dop-dame???


And this is how amazing a super woman can be!  We heard a scrambler braaaping down in the valley, and within a few minutes – there she be.  On a loan bike, in the dark, on an unknown hectic road, WITHOUT LIGHTS…  DRINKS!

The mobile bar served plenty of those ‘Tots’ late into the night, until the humans ran out of conversations and fell over.

The next morning the farm was scattered with half alive zombies.  Some made it to bed, some found a tent, and a few flopped over on the couches.

The bikes patiently awaited their time to shine.

The BlingKing had his mobile barista-bar open for the coffosseurs, while Marlet cooked up a storm for breakfast.

KTM’s new accessory, a portable rock.  For when the road ain’t interesting enough.

For warm-ups there was a short sand spurt near the gate of the farm.  Some noticed, some not.  Guess which ones?

We didn’t even make it far… maybe one kay… before we got our first flat tyre.  Juan, who tried to avoid the sand and rode on the grass on the side of the track.  You know.  There.  There where the thorns hide.  What a prick!


Booga had a can of liquid white foam on hand, and the tyre was filled.  Up, up and away.


*Pst,we are sorry if we invaded private property and for any of the ensuing inconvenience caused in the Barnardsvlei community.  We won’t again… until next time.

The hashmash of riding within the first 4 kays offered rocks, small ravines, sand, thorns, dust.

Not long after, the foamed-up tyre felt that our attempt was futile and flatted out again.  This time, there was no fixing of the foamy tyre.  We either needed a new tube, or a whole lotta bike.  Tubes are scarce in the Mooinooi valley, but bikes…!

Ettas and Chikita took the flat Hero back to camp, swopping it for the never fail Brom (a DR650).  The rest of the group waited for them at the garage to fill up on fuel, fluids and extra foam.

There’s a small marble mine on the other side of Marikana, and during our scouting we ran into the Chinese owner.  He stopped us and with great concern told us that we should be careful and not take off our helmets so that people wouldn’t see that we were women.  He told us we could ride through his mine, but to be aware that there are bad people in the jungle.  We pulled up our tiervel panties and swung off into the forests.

Maretlwana dam!


Where pink flamingoe, fish eagles and bad people spend their free time.

Time for a beer-break as the day turned into a swelter!

“And I said to the flamingo, ‘Pull my finger.’”

A buffalo and a lion walks into a bar..


The buffalo says to the lion, “Do you know?  I have your mother’s name tattooed on my ass?”

And the rest of the bar had to restrain the fuming lion, as the buffalo pulled down his pants…

We even went as far as destroying a dam wall, and then rebuilding it back to a condition resembling a stack of jelly blocks busy melting.

When Chikita says it’s easy… it’s never easy!


Vince nearly got lost and popped it towards the dam.  Marlet stalled a few times in the most inappropriate spots.  Donovan bashed a bash plat like it’s never been bashed before.  Long legged Juan did a new version of the duck-walk.

Groovy got called back a few times to take the cold booters’ bikes across.


“Waar’s daai man met die lang bene?”

Booga nearly went for a swim, disappearing between the crack.

He’s down there somewhere!  Do we wait for him?

Relieved to get everybody safely across, we did a few kilos of high speed dirt and a little bit of twee-spoor before we had to stop for another leaky tube.

Luckily Booga topped up on foam at the garage that morning.  Morally assisting in spirit(s).

A Yamaha had some fun…

Entertaining some local kiddies while we await the back-a-beer-buddies.

Riding between the mountains, under the power lines, in the midday sun.  Much did we know that the magnetic fields generated wasn’t all that good for GPS’s or pacemakers.  Our event is heart stopping fun!  Also completely directionless.

A narrow dirt road with sharp twisties and moeg dehydrated bikers.  Ettas took a full blow into the bushes as he completely missed the turn.  With only a butt sticking out from the bramble, three others followed suit.  Four bikes hanging in a bush – where’s the camera when you need one?

Groovy the Great with a pap tyre.  There was a little bit of weld left but not enough to get him through the rest of the day.  We did a small fix next to the road while everybody took a quick breather.

There was a shebeen around the corner.  Let’s see if we can get the pap Hero to roll along at least to where there were cold quarts.

You won’t believe who Charley bumped into at the optometrist…



Impromtu photoshoot, while they waited for the new tube.  Poppies pouting!

Tools were scraped together with a spanner here, a bomb there, and a tube hidden in a rucksack.  Three attempts later and no success.  Between forgetting the thorn still in the tyre, a darnitse pinching lever, and a popped valve.  We did try however – we did!

After what felt like 3 years later, Chikita rushed home to fetch the 2M Lazy Lowder trailer.  The  rest of us decided to take a slow waddle down the road to see how far we could get.


Just up the road we found a tyre tuck shop and with a quick lop, a pop, and a drop – ta-da!  Three minutes and 47 seconds.  MotoGP needs to come source some mechanics here in Thekwane.

A well deserved pizza and craft beer awaited these Tot Hie’ champs at The Jomp Brewing company:


Johan and Alicia went as far as making a Jelly Tot Hie' shot from their tailings of distilled beer!

Filled up and revived, it was but a mere small step back to camp, where everybody took a dive into the pool and freshened up for the Rugby Final.

South Africa vs New Zealand


Tempers ran high, voices croaked, drinks got spilled, tears welled up.  The greenies took it and our chests proudly heaved.

Some people cared so much, they lost their voices.  Other cared in their own special way…

A few migraines woke up on Sunday morning feeling really thirsty, with stiff limbs and sensitive tooshies.  Yesterday was not for sissies and Breedtsnek still lay ahead on this holy sabbath.


With squinty eyes, we dragged all the peeps from their cots and woke them up with steaming coffee and rusks.


Life is too short too lay around snoring off a babbelaas.

We explained to Charley how to get to the tar road, and from there to meet us at Ilhanti Lodge ( for breakfast.  But nobody was listening.  Hearing was a sense that leaked from their punctured minds.


Brave Charley followed the adventure bikes down Hell’s Hoogte, a very steep, rocky, down hill.  Luckily the Groove-man saw the horror movie unfolding and stepped up to be the Hero (yet again).

Prize giving time!


Thanks to Daniel Mulder Distributors (DMD) for the  much needed biking gifts – some superb jackets and other trinkets.

Breedtsnek, even at its worst, is still just a lumpy hill.  With no serious incidents, all the riders made it up and over, with a quick stop at the look-out point to take our spirited breaths away.

A final stop at Mogallywood pub ( to wash away the dirt in our lungs.

…and that’s that!


Another Tot Hie’ came to a resounding end.

Don’t miss anything

Don’t miss the game

Don’t miss the gig

Don’t miss the performance

Don’t miss the show

Don’t miss the conversation

Don’t miss the ride

Don’t miss the event

Don’t miss a single moment


Go look, see, learn, try, taste


Let the flavour of life be part of your lifestyle


Go taste, go listen, go and enjoy


Life is incredibly fleeting


Jim Rohn


If you are lucky, you might score an invite to the Tot Hie' rally. Spots are a few - fun is a plenty! We kuier, we ride, we get flat tyres, we laugh, we sweat, we drink, we WON (the World Cup Rugby). Unforgettable weekend! Watch it here and indulge in a weekend where you could be.

Video produced by Jolandi Mentz (27 Oct 2023)


Sponsored by Daniel Mulder Distributors (DMD)

Forma Boots (

Caberg Helmets (

Oxford Products (

Answer Racing (

Off Road Cycles (

Hero Motorcycles South Africa (

2M Lazy Lowder (

PaintAbike by Phil Privett (

FiftySixSA (

Riempie Guest Farm


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