TG Newsletter: THE DISTINGUISHED GENTLEMAN'S RIDE

The Distinguished Gentleman's Ride

(21 May 2023)

Our day did not turn out as our day should have turned out… As turning a day is quite a majestic project only achievable by an obstinate 2-stroke!

We planned on leaving our car and trailer at the end venue, Prison Break Market; and riding to the start venue, Mall of Africa. But little Dapple (Suzuki BX120 SuperStar) had a sore throat and gave two coughs and a sneeze, before his little knocker stopped knocking. After numerous attempts at kicking, pushing and screaming, a gentleman by the name of Brandon offered to assist us.

Did you know that true gentlemen drive around with sparkplug sockets in their cars?

Do you know that most of said men also have a KTM standing in the garage?

After a quick tissue to Dapple’s plug, Brandon finally got him rolling again. We jumped on and tried to get to the start as fast as possible… with just a quick stop at the garage to pump the VERY flat tyres. And there… rest his poor little soul… Dapple’s day was done.

Booga came to the rescue with a Suzuki VanVan for Chikita and myself to 2-up on the blue boney, called Bubble.

He himself took over the freshly painted glossy gleaming Kawasaki KH110 GTO we fondly know as Bubblegum.

We made it to the start with minutes to spare…

I decided to write about this year’s DGR with a splash of humour. I have been reporting on the ride for nine years now and it gets a bit draining to keep talking about the same issues year after year.

We already know that…

Gentlemen are polite and serious.

Cancer is feared and serious.

Prostate cancer is awkward and serious.

Men’s mental health is a secret and serious!

So, forgive me if I seem a bit insensitive towards men’s plight. Sometimes, as humans, we laugh about the things that make us want to cry. It’s a coping mechanism. Almost like tequila, but unlike the golden liquid – you can never have too many hoots.

For those with their heads stuck in politics, potholes and power outages… The yearly DGR ride takes place all around the world in 893 cities and towns, to raise funds and awareness for prostate cancer research and men’s mental health.

Swallow this one with pride! We raised $7.34million USD this year!!!

There is no ‘i’ in men’s health. Neither is there in dyslexia. It does however contain a ‘meh’. I guess that’s because men don’t really ever take their own mental wellness seriously?

Emotional stress normally is accompanied by anxiety. People stress about the little things and therefor they try to quit something to feel in control. They quit drinking, they quit smoking, they quit gluten… All you really have to quit is STRESSING!

Life is not perfect. It never has been and it never will be.

Eat that pie!

You might not look all that good today, but quitting something now… you will certainly look worse tomorrow!

Do you know what is normal? Being worried about bills. Stressing about tomorrow. Feeling gassy. Being anxious about your relationship. Just let it out, man – LET IT ALL OUT!

Have a look around the DGR. No one is killing it! You’re looking good, you’re looking fine, you’re looking dapper. Trust me – no one has ever looked better AFTER a failed suicide attempt.

Maybe start your mornings with a pep talk to motivate yourself. Punch the sky and let out a loud Booyah!

And ladies, here’s where you come in. When you see your other half mumbling to himself in the mirror, support him with a quip of your own:

“Honey, the shaving blade goes on the cheeks, not on the wrists.”

“Lovey, put the gun down. You have no luck. If you had luck, you would not be here.”

“Darling, you can’t jump off the cliff. Not yet… you still have to wipe your search history.”

We all know that men don’t listen even at the best of times. Maybe that’s why they got it all wrong under stress? We said WOMAN – not WINGMAN!

Woman… wingman… Tamatoes… Tomatoes…

I asked around at the event what people understood the word ‘dapper’ to mean. Everybody confirmed that it was all concerning the way you dressed and looked on the outside; rather than anything about what you think, or feel, or act like.

A lady pushed in between me and her husband, and wanted to know if I just asked her husband if he was dapper??? She took me softly by the arm and gave a gentle squeeze as she whispered in my ear, “My husband is dressed dapper, but he’s damp on the inside.”

She turned around and gave him a loving kiss on the cheek.

Not being a specialist myself, I can’t compare women and men’s mental stability. I can… but we all know that 58% of stats are made up on the spot.

As I understand, more women reach out for help than men. Maybe it is because our sensitive parts sit on the inside and we know we need to keep our ‘inner space’ in good working order.

Men have theirs dangling on the outside They believe a dab of Germoline will kill any booboos.

Stop bottling up out of fear of being ridiculed. Don’t be scared of being called a pussy when you open up about your feelings and insecurities. Betty White said it!

A pussy can take a pounding…

As women, we know most of our problems stem from our male counterparts… MENstruation, MENopause, MANipulation! But we can’t sit aside and be apathetic.

Encourage the man in your life to go see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. And if you don’t know the difference; congrats – your life is just swell!

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HONESTY NEWSLETTER!

I might not need a psychologist… but my guardian angel certainly does.

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