TG Newsletter: ANTIPANTS - ANTIPOACHING #6
AntiPants - AntiPoaching #6
(22 January 2023)
It is the sixth year of the highly esteemed and much admired AntiPants ride, and this year we decided to support the long-neck donkeys, also known as giraffes.
Six years ago, we were running out of month to write a newsletter about our adventures, and at the last minute we thought… let’s ride through the streets without pants. Chikita came up with the idea of riding in support of a poached animal and so the AntiPants-AntiPoaching event came to fruition.
This year we started at Huckleberry’s Café, Magnolia Dell in Pretoria where about 200 inspired bikers joined the seriously silly cause.
Within minutes there was a strip show behind every flower pot, leafy bush and thick stumped tree.
After the early morning cuppa, we headed out for breakfast at Coffee@Capital, riding over the short-but-scenic Tom Jenkins drive to Capital Park. All the while entertaining other motorists and pedestrians with wheelies, waves and tighty whiteys.
From there it was through the Daspoort tunnel, over Horn’s neck… a quick stop for the long line-up of suspects at the Brag Strip, and up to Mulligans Pub in Harties. Apple ciders, apple tarts and apple catchers! You either jumped into the pool, OR you jumped into the bidding for a limited edition AntiPants T-shirt.
It was lekker to spot all the different club colours! Seeing a burly bearded biker with a well-worn jacket adorned with patches, hairy legs, tattooed sleeve, buttocks covered in the standard blou onderbroek, and then reading NO SHIT on the back!
We had two satellite rides. One in East London AND… one in the Netherlands at 3 degrees Celsius!!! The two girls, Nienke and Pieter (…promise you at 3°C they were BOTH girls) rode around the block in Holland.
All in all, we made R26k on the day (that’s excluding YOUR donations after reading this newsletter); we made a special appearance on Carte Blanche; we made fools of ourselves; we made GCF a little bit happy; Dave made a little briek-mark in his jocks when he toppled over; we made new friends; we made a giraffe’s life a little better; we made you look! 😉
What could be ever so important on his cell?!?
All donations received will be handed over to the Giraffe Conservation Foundation (GCF) – the only non-profit in the world that solely focuses on the well-being of wild giraffes.
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
Giraffes are the tallest mammals on Earth. Their legs alone are taller than many humans - about 6 feet.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Throughout their lifespan, humans go from having 300 bones to 206 bones. Men believe they have 207…
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
Giraffes have also been spotted using their grapple-like tongue to pick their noses. Their tongues can grow up to 53cm long!
HUMAN FUN FACT:
You produce about 40 000 litres of spit in your lifetime. A lot of the drooling happened on 22 January 2023.
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
A giraffe's neck is too short to reach the ground.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
You are not able to breathe and swallow at the same time. Guess a giraffe can hold its breath for a looong time?
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
A giraffe’s heart weighs around 11kg and is the biggest heart of any land animal. It needs to be extra powerful to pump 60 litres of blood around its body and all the way up that long neck.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
If you live to age 70, your heart will have beat around 2.5 billion times! It might be higher if you’ve ever attended an AntiPants ride…
GIRAFFE UN-FUN FACT:
In what’s being called a ‘silent extinction’ giraffe population numbers dropped from 155,000 in 1985 to 97,000 in 2015. So, while giraffe in southern Africa are doing well comparatively, there are still only less than 50,000 SOUTHERN giraffes in the wild. Who considers that a high number when it comes to the world population of a large and iconic mammal?
HUMAN UN-FUN FACT:
There are some people thinking the Tank Girls are skelms for supporting the giraffes… since they aren’t endangered in South Africa. Because, you know – once an animal is saved within you borders – the animal is mos SAVED! These people also believe that once Africa has devoured all their giraffes, they won’t be coming for ours…
*rolly eye emoji here*
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
Giraffes are very social animals and roam around in groups. Such a group is called a tower!
HUMAN FUN FACT:
There are people that believe because we ride without pants for giraffes, we also know where one could buy a giraffe. Apparently ‘pet shop’ is NOT the answer??? Seeing as we are always so bleddie helpful… if any of you know where you could buy a male for this poor guy’s two lonely long neck ladies, call us on ‘TinderForTallOnes’!
GIRAFFE UN-FUN FACT:
Hunting giraffe is attractive for the poacher because it provides a maximum return (2,000 kg of meat) for a minimal investment (one gunshot as opposed to several minimises the chances of the poacher being caught). Giraffe are laid back, sedentary creatures and will often stand still to stare at a potential threat before running away, making them an easy target for poachers since they are easily shot or speared.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Once there was a man with full biker kit (normal Mr. Price jeans though) that attended his first AntiPants. With shock he asked Skinny if she was going to ride like THAT, in just a broekie? Skinny just smiled and nodded. The man proceeded to preach to her how irresponsible it was, how dangerous it was, how quickly an accident happens…
Booga interrupted him, asking if he would like to buy a breakfast ticket? Yes, yes, the man exclaimed and returned to his lecture… how nobody at the event had decent rider training, how much roasties hurt, how cars never…
Again, Booga interrupted him, asking if he would like to add a donation? Yes, yes, make it R200 before he once again resumed his serenade about these foolish bikers. If only more of the naysayers would join the ride like this oke…
We loved you man, hope to see you there again!
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
Did you know that giraffes lack upper front teeth? They have the same amount of teeth as humans. However, all 32 teeth are found on the lower jaw. Giraffes use their bottom teeth to grab a branch and then comb the leaves off. So, when you see a giraffe without upper front teeth, it’s not because he got into a bar fight.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Before the event, Booga warned us that there was a bit of a commotion going on on FaceBook because of something that happened at ‘At Se Gat’! He said that the people were writing in all capital letters because of irresponsible bikers riding without proper gear. He was very concerned that whatever happened at ‘At Se Gat’ would have an influence on the AntiPants ride… While trying to figure out where ‘At Se Gat’ is, I realized that he mistook their agitation for an acronym… better known by most other bikers as ATGATT!
GIRAFFE UN-FUN FACT:
There are only about 117,000 giraffes remaining in all of Africa. To put that into perspective, there are about 450,000 elephants remaining on the continent - that is ONE giraffe for every FOUR elephants! And I am sure we can all agree that elephants are in trouble and deserve our support.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Spread across their lifetime, most people spend an average of one whole year sitting on the toilet…
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
Giraffe tongues aren’t pink. They are dark blue! Giraffes stick their tongues out so much when they’re grazing that a pink tongue would get sunburnt. Darker colours offer better protection in the harsh African sun.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
When a human blushes, they feel it in the lining of the stomach too as it also turns red.
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
'Necking' is a way for giraffe bulls to measure their strength and establish dominance. The repeated swinging of their long necks can deliver powerful blows to their rival’s body. Their reinforced skull helps to absorb the impact of these head-butts. A bit like a motorcycle helmet!
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Did you know, the rate of heart attacks is higher on a Monday than on any other day of the week. Thank heavens our event was held on a Sunday.
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
The Latin for giraffe is ‘Giraffe Camelopardalis’ which means ‘one who walks quickly, a camel marked like a leopard’.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Another weird fact about the human body is that hiccups occur when the temperature changes. Reporting live from AntiPants; *hic*
GIRAFFE UN-FUN FACT:
They have already gone extinct in seven African countries. To make matters worse, research has shown that there are four distinct species of giraffe in Africa and not, as previously assumed, only one. This makes three of the species some of the most threatened large mammals in the world! Makes one sour to hear this info…
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Your punani is as acidic as tomatoes with the pH levels of the tomatoes falling between 4.0 - 4.7 and the pH level of the moemfie being 4.5.
GIRAFFE UN-FUN FACT:
Conservation Status: Vulnerable. Several subspecies listed as endangered or critically endangered.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Earwax is actually a type of sweat!
GIRAFFE UN-FUN FACT:
The main threats to giraffe are habitat loss, habitat fragmentation, human population growth, and in some areas, poaching is an issue. If poached, it is normally for bushmeat - own consumption. Biggest threat overall are people - there are more and more of us and we need space…
HUMAN FUN FACT:
Information travels to your brain at a speed of 430 km/h. People that don’t support our cause might have speedbumps in the way…
GIRAFFE FUN FACT:
GCF currently works in 18 African countries and their work impacts over 100 million acres of giraffe habitat.
HUMAN FUN FACT:
When your body experiences extreme starvation, there are chances that your brain will start to eat itself. Stay smart, eat something – but NOT a giraffe!!!
You can knock our conservation effort. You can criticize the scantily clad ladies. You can whine about the rashness of the ride. But will you still judge us when the last giraffe has hummed its final midnight song?
Support the Giraffe Conservation Foundation!
Giraffe Conservation Foundation (www.giraffeconservation.org)
Sponsored by Daniel Mulder Distributors (DMD)
Forma Boots (www.formaboots.com)
Caberg Helmets (www.caberg.it)
Oxford Products (www.oxfordproducts.com)
Givi (www.givi.ite)
Answer Racing (www.answerracing.com)
Hero Motorcycles South Africa (www.heromotorcycles.co.za)
Huckleberry’s Café (www.huckleberrys.co.za)
Coffee@Capital (www.facebook.com/coffeeatcapital)
Mulligan’s Pub & Restaurant (www.facebook.com/mulliganspubrestaurant)
Hannelie van Schalkwyk (www.facebook.com/hannelie.schalkwyk)
Black Rock Studio (www.blackrockstudio.co.za)
CHIKITA PRODUCTIONS PRESENT:
Why don’t you go and subscribe to our YouTube channel? And sommer click on the little bell as well, to remind you when we’ve loaded a new vid.
YouTube: Skinny van Schalkwyk
This year we put our necks out for the giraffes. Riding through Pretoria in our undies, enjoying the shocked faces of pedestrians and motorists. Collecting donations for the Giraffes Conservation Foundation. Africa - STOP EATING YOUR GIRAFFES!!!
Video produced by Jolandi Mentz (22 Jan 2023)
HONESTY NEWSLETTER!
To pants or not to pants… that is NOT the question! The question is – are you honestly not going to make a donation for the giraffes this year?!?
If you’re familiar with the rural concept of the honesty bar, this honesty newsletter ain’t much different... I’m a completely un-paid journalist, relying instead on readers using the honour system. You read the newsletter and then leave an amount you see fit for the entertainment you’ve received.
If you don’t find it particularly amusing, then you fork out NO dosh. I won’t stop sending you the letter – it is still mahala to those that count their coins and... I love sharing my stories.
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Hanging Out!
Skinny & Chikita
YouTube: Skinny van Schalkwyk
Instagram: @skinnyvanschalkwyk
