Assault Ryderz Day Jol
(4 August 2018)
It was August, the month where women could complain about bad hair days, shaving, fat-pants, cramps or the even more dreaded lack of cramps. They could do so boisterously, without restraint and incessantly till the sun set on 31 August… Why? Because it was women’s month!
The Assault Ryderz motorcycle club hosted an event against women abuse and invited us to pledge our allegiance by popping a front wheel in the air down the stunt straight.
The event was held at club neh! in Alexandra township.
We stepped into this bourgeois-meets-urban-kasi lounge, and made ourselves comfy on the deck looking out over the colourful township that faded into the blue smog of the city.
Alexandra township, or better known to Jo’burg locals as Alex, is a settlement originally proclaimed as a white residential community but for over a hundred years it has been a suburb for mostly poor black people. Families were lured here to the riches of the big city, but not with the means to live closer by.
Alexians has over the years always had a struggle with transport. In the 1940’s the protesters against rising bus fees would unwearyingly walk to work in downtown Johannesburg - a distance of more than 20km!
A hundred years later and busses are replaced by boneys!
Alex is one of the densest populated places on earth. It is a lappie land of 7.6 km², where about 400 000 people live, work, sleep, eat… and the pikinis play boundlessly.
Throughout the morning the giggles and laughter grew from across the street. The crowd of little agies (curious kids) kept sneaking up to the fence trying to have a peep at the festivities.
However the grown-ups would chased after them with sjamboks, they would just keep out of reach of its burning tip.
They gave the shacks a voice of squeals and laughter.
To show their earnest support, a few guys dressed up as women.
Some with ‘abbuse’ mascara and lipstick smudges smeared across their faces.
There were one or two of the gentle ‘ladies’ that knew all too well how to strut a heel. And there might have been a few wives too scared to join the party as they were missing a weave or two.
It was our time to play and we were joined by a few club members out on the road. The concoction of adrenaline and a cheering crowd, had one or two stunters grab a throttle too eagerly. But no major mishaps occurred and jackets were dusted off, bikes picked up and the smiling continued.
Nico is probably a rare form of a vampire-stunter… One of his vampiric traits are to come alive as the sun sets. The duskier the air got the higher his rev counter would climb. By the end of the day his contribution to the smog could be measured in nostrils filled with smoke and little shards of rubber.
I came to show that a woman’s NO means, “I will trap you with my tyre bru!” As ladies of biking, we have as much control over our lives as we have over our motorcycles. We put our feet down and our wheels up.
This indoda was probably one of the loudest spectators, screaming “You are chief!” over the fence everytime I passed by. At the end of the show he screamed, “You are chief – you are chief – do you have R5 for me?”
Stembiso taught me that in black culture – THERE IS ALWAYS PAP! You just have to ask…
After the show, we joined a few friends for a shisa nyama (barbecued meat) and a zamalek (beer).
We weren’t planning on staying long… but it’s hard to pull away from a happy horde.
Alexandra was described by Nelson Mandela as ‘exhilarating and precarious’, and today, even in the face of extreme poverty, Alex’s people are smiling, laughing, and living a life filled with music, humour and the profound joy of simply being alive.
OUR NEXT CRAZY ADVENTURE:
LES PETITE PUZEY’S
(8 – 15 September 2018)
Skinny and Chikita will ride two 70cc Puzey Thumpa kiddy-bikes on our mini-adventure from Slaapstad to Jo’burg! A total of 1850km!!!
We will keep you updated with our progress along the way on social media.
Come wave us off at Signal Hill on 9 September 2018 (8am).
Meet up with us on the last day to escort us home – 15 September 2018 (10am) somewhere on the main road of Parys (even though we are small – you won’t miss us).
Join us for a celebratory beer at the finish – 15 September 2018 (12p) at Biker’s Warehouse, Randburg
CHIKITA PRODUCTIONS PRESENT:
The Assault Ryderz had a day jol in Alexandra township. For women's month they launched a campaign against women abuse. Men dressed up like ladies - make-up, wigs and ALL. Skinny and Nico did a stunt show to entertain the ladies and the lad-ies. Feel the heartbeat of Alex.
You can pay me a compliment, but… I’m allergic to ‘nuts’. Rather stick to Rands.
If you're familiar with the rural concept of the honesty bar, this honesty newsletter ain't much different... I'm a completely un-paid journalist, relying instead on readers using the honour system. You read the newsletter and then leave an amount you see fit for the entertainment you've received.
If you don't find it particularly amusing, then you fork out NO dosh. I won't stop sending you the letter – it is still mahala to those that count their coins and... I love sharing my stories.
As requested by my overseas readers, you can donate to this newsletter on my PayPal account:
You can do an EFT transfer to the account below.
YouTube: Skinny van Schalkwyk