TG Newsletter: SOUTH AFRICA BIKE FESTIVAL

SOUTH AFRICA BIKE FESTIVAL

(26 – 28 May 2017)

 

It was the second time the Bike Festival was held – time for bikers, motorcyclists, racers, adventurers, riders and wannabe’s to get together around a sliver of tar known as Kyalami.

 

Sunday started with a charity ride in support of Ride-For-A-Reason and CLAW (Community Lead Animal Welfare). We were going to make a roaring noise in the streets of Jo’burg, raising money for our fur-friends.

 

Hundreds of bikers got together at the WorldWear mall, sipping on steaming cups of coffee trying to chase the winter morning’s chill.

 

Don’t you just love two-wheel-hooligans that love animals? Yeah – WE DO!

 

The organisers asked a few chickens to lead the ride to Kyalami. They specifically asked the girls that I just trained to wheelie; which led me to believe they wanted us to do some stunts… They neither confirmed nor denied this. We took it as a YES. So I gave Billy-Bob a quick spit and polish.

 

“This here is NOT the brake pedal, but if you accidentally bump it down when you don’t intend to… it could work.”

 

*Riding lessons from Chikita*

 

I get the ‘rescue’ part, but not so much the ‘search’?

 

Skinny, “Chikita, are they coming?”

 

Chikita, “Uuummm… maybe go a bit faster. They are right on your number plate.”

 

Skinny, “What???”

 

Have you ever seen Billy-Bob smile so big?

 

When last did you wheelie down the N1 past a spietkop

 

…and got a thumbs up?

 

Is it a coincidence that the other meaning of the word GANTRY is a framework in a bar where bottles are hanged upside-down and drinks are measured out to patrons?

 

When you do a side-saddle and the bike just cuts out…?!? In the first millisecond you hope all the riders behind you realize you’re coming to a sudden halt. In the second millisecond you try and figure out how to get your leg back over. In the third millisecond you wonder what’s wrong with the bike. In the fourth millisecond you think – jou dom poepies…

 

You accidentally tripped the kill switch when you swopped your hands over!

 

When you are not as pliable as you were when you were six years old, and you get your legs stuck over the handle bar.

 

“Everybody relax! I’ll save it… eventually…”

 

I like dogs… I like sunsets… I like tjoklits… and I like long walks on the N1 holding my love’s hand…

 

The brotherhood of biking; two wheels and a tank of gas!

 

Have you ever wondered if it’s really stars, or is it space-motorcycles heading our way?

 

Kyalami

 

Part of the charity ride took us on two lapse of the new Kyalami circuit!

 

Most riders saw their first Sunset, raced down a Mine Shaft, dipped in The Bowl, slowed down for Fat Arnie, took out a policy at Wesbank, waved at the Clubhouse, and drew a few Esses.

 

*Old names for most of the current corners*

 

 

Mark Roach and the Yamaha line – it runs parallel…

 

…or in series!

 

Call it a rock and a hard place. Mark kept on waving his hand in a wheelie motion, while the track marshal waved his finger at me in a naughty kindergarten motion.

 

Words overheard from a marshal: “That Skinny-chick – you always have to keep an eye on her!”

 

The guy on the red bike later came to me and said, “You know your bike has something they call foot pegs.”

 

“It’s us… against them! Are we going to play fair and give them a running start?”

 

*Conrose Crouse & Skinny*

 

For the rest of the day we wandered around the show:

 

KTM

 

Plato once said, “Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.” I never knew he met Dave Griffin before?

 

Riaan Neveling unveiled the Six Days bike draped in French colours.

 

There was the monster of the adventure bikes – the KTM 1290.

 

Legend Joey Evans (harregat paraplegic that started walking and riding again, and became the first SA biker to complete the 2017 Dakar), showing us here how to overcome heartburn. He’s such a tuff-koekie! X

 

Husqvarna

 

As we moved over to the Husky stand, I bumped into Puzey (Mike) and the Duiwel (Werner). These two grown BOYS where standing there haggling over the price of the spinners they had in their pockets!?! Plato must have known them as well.

 

We were enticed by the small shape hiding under a cover? What could it be?

 

A WitPiel!!!

 

(…and I didn’t even think this one up myself)

 

True to its name, it was small, compact and white… The new 401! Old look, new technology – ride the urban jungle.

 

I really didn’t come up with this name – promise! They even had it painted on the rims.

 

One of the top 700/800 range of adventure bikes on the market - the 701. Many of the other brands have dropped this class off their menu. Probably because they knew they would never be able to compete with this gazelle!

 

Yamaha

 

The birth-bike of my motorcycling passion – the R6!

 

Billy-Bob-The-Blue-Bike (Yamaha R6) was the first ever bike I owned. I still remember that day I walked into Linex Yamaha and saw the most beautiful blue machine.

 

The new R6 had me awestruck.

 

 

The much anticipated T7. This bike they had on the floor was shipped in for the show, with contracts signed that it may not be scratched, bumped, ridden or licked… I did try the last one, but I was told to voertsek!

 

Yamaha also gave us tickets to go test some of the bikes out on the track.

 

They took us out in groups and tried to tame the fire of the two crazy Tank Girls.

 

They managed. Badly, but they managed.

 

We were out on the MT10 and the MT07. When you are having so much fun, you are not always sure if it’s because of the riding, the track, or the bikes.

 

I even got to take out the new R6!!! Luckily the marshal in this group knew me and allowed me to roll a bit harder on the throttle. These new bikes really do prefer clutchless shifting. They already know when and what needs to be done, you just need to manage the footwork.

 

Sorry guy, I can’t remember your name, but it was lekker chatting to you while we waited for the bikes.

 

And in the corner… lessons on how to park a KTM.

 

Harley Davidson

 

The HARLEYdoscope!

 

Suzuki

 

Suzuki had a ride simulator. We stood watching as an oom was hooked up to the machine. He kept looking up at the sky and smiling?!? We were wondering if he was on the take-a-ride-through-the-Himalayas playlist?

 

I took a seat, popped my visor down and I was on a race track! GAME ON! It was an aggressive race - the riders were bumping shoulders. I took hole shot into corner one.

 

The tyres were losing grip and I lost a spot or two, so I tucked hard behind the screen. Was that a black flag…?

 

We’re still not sure what the oom was looking at in the sky?!?

 

Honda

 

According to the guys that has ridden it, it is frighteningly brilliant - the Africa Twin!

 

Some bikes need to be test-sitted. You need to make sure your knees fit in behind the pods. Chikita’s didn’t…

 

Ducati

 

Hans has dodgy tastes in bikes, but on this one we all agreed. It’s never wrong to ride a Monster!

 

And then we got to THE DREAM BIKE!!!

 

From the first day I saw this bike, it crept into my derms (almost like ‘dreams’, but a bit more slimy). It looked like something out of the Evil Knievel stable. I have spent many broad-smiling miles on the other Ducati Scramblers and they are pure-bred fun. Things couldn’t possibly get better – could it?!?

 

We got something to eat & something to drink and camped out on the showroom floor next to the…

 

DUCATI SCRAMBLER DESERT SLED

 

Admiration was gonna take a while.

 

I’m not sure if the bike drew all the attention, or if it was the two chickens having a picnic next to it?

 

Get off! NEE!                                             Get off! NEE!!                                             Get off! NEE!!!

 

I didn’t get off, but more on this in the next few months *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*

 

Crosby

 

Can’t wait to try one of these bikes out! They are mostly 400cc, old school looking, and affordable, LIGHT bikes. All the attributes I just mentioned, makes it a bike that can go ANYWHERE!

 

Metzeler

 

Use good rubber! Always use good rubber!!!

 

On display on the deck were old bikes, classic bikes, restored bikes, custom bikes and exceptionally strange bikes.

 

 

 

Other than bikes, there was also:

 

Get a tattoo of a stanchion while you wait? You'll never regret it...

 

Get something to nibble. The food stall selling fingers were making a killing.

 

Get something to sip.

 

Get a trailer! Just trust me… get a trailer.

 

Get an autograph. He might need some tweaks on his wheelies, but he is still blits vinnig.

 

*Clinton Seller*

 

Get a glimpse of these guys racing. Even though it’s through ogies draad, you can still smell the fumes.

 

Get some air-time with the Ramp Rodeo BMX guys. In 20 minutes we saw at least three major crashes. I’m sure their elbows are galvanized.

 

Get your adrenaline flowing with the Monster Energy Flight Night stunters. Safety lights are for dudes!

 

Get a private stunt show from Brent le Riche. It’s like a private strip show, but Brent’s moves are better.

 

GET YOUR TICKETS FOR NEXT YEAR’S SHOW!

 

 

HONESTY NEWSLETTER!

 

I know these newsletters won’t save the planet, bring peace to earth, stop extinction, or magically stock all households with Jack Daniels… but I still try.

 

If you're familiar with the rural concept of the honesty bar, this honesty newsletter ain't much different... I'm a journalist, relying on readers using the honour system. You read the newsletter and then leave an amount you see fit for the entertainment you've received.

 

If you don't find it particularly amusing, then you fork out NO dosh. I won't stop sending you the letter – it is still mahala to those that count their coins and... I love sharing my stories.

 

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skinny@tankgirls.co.za

 

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Out, having fun with a Sled!

Skinny

 

www.tankgirls.co.za

www.facebook.com/SkinnyBikerChicken

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdPs04GZXJ4BHgvdN1JWhsQ

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